My name is Arjun and I've been living in London for pretty much my whole life. A lot of my family now live here. I've been swimming in the Ponds quite a while because my dad is really into it. But when I was a teenager, I was like… ‘the Ponds?’ It's a bit icky.(Laughter)
It is icky in there. (Laughter)
Yeah, but you know, now I love the ‘ick’. Yeah, I've been coming here for maybe the past 10 years, but I've been doing year round swimming since 2018.
What drew you to doing this interview?
I think it's really interesting, masculinity, because I'm from a South Asian background, and traditionally, there are these gender roles which are, ‘oh, no, you're a man, you have to do this’. Even when someone says the word ‘masculine’ to me, maybe the first thing one thinks is toxic masculinity. I think, for me, that's still the case based on my feelings towards it growing up. I would say, my 20s have been spent looking critically at these gender roles and saying ‘no, we don't have to be assigned to that’ and breaking free is really liberating.
I can give you one example, maybe it doesn't really encompass gender, but… yeah, in South Asian culture, mental health issues… people don't really talk about them. People sidestep them. For example, my dad has bipolar disorder. So for him, especially, it was incredibly difficult just talking about it with people. It reached a stage a few years ago… it's hard to say exactly what the trigger was but he was just able to open up to me and talk about these things. It was amazing for our relationship and for him. It’s something I've noticed with a lot of young men in my life. Part of the joy of maintaining these relationships is opening up and talking about these sorts of things. Especially with the Ponds, because my dad and I go swimming, and I go with my friends as well, and it's such a nice ritual to have.
I don't know. I think there's something about swimming in those Ponds, you feel amazing from it.
You spoke about swimming with your dad, how is that? That’s interesting because I don't think a lot of people have that relationship with their dad.
Yeah, it's only once in a while because my dad is now in Kenya looking after his mum, so it's not something we do often and I'd say this weekly ritual is with my friends, but my most memorable swims have been with him. I realised that when my dad is around, he asks me a lot “You want to go swimming?”. He goes like the crack of dawn, so we always find it difficult to find a time, but then when we do, I realise how nice it is.
What do you think it adds to that relationship?
My dad and I are quite different in a lot of ways, but in terms of what we enjoy doing, we’re very similar. We both enjoy going swimming in the Ponds and listening to music or going to see live music. Even though we're different in a lot of ways, we enjoy finding peaceful things and cultivating that. I told you before that he has bipolar, and for him that is really important.
Normally male dominated spaces, the ones I’ve been around anyway, like pubs, football, etc. don’t always promote healthy mindsets. It’s great that you’ve cultivated a positive space with your dad.
Yeah, I think especially with pubs as well, and a lot of the party culture, these male dominated spaces are centred around drugs or alcohol. Not that I'm against drugs or alcohol at all. But you have to kind of get yourself into that disinhibited space, and then you can open up.
I've had those experiences before; however, I don’t really do that anymore. But I can look back and actually say, ‘those experiences have been positive’ because they were my first ventures into being vulnerable, especially with men. But now I’m getting older it's great to have that with something like wild swimming, which is something that's sustainable and you're taking care of your well-being.
What did you do that made it possible for you to make that shift into genuine openness and vulnerability?
I would consider myself a Buddhist. I've been trying to practice meditation daily, over the past two years. I think meditation really helps a lot, just like observing your thoughts and your emotions. I think with meditation, there's obviously a therapeutic aspect to it, which is bringing calm into your life. But I think for me, a level above that is a more spiritual aspect. I think ‘spiritual’ is a word that's bandied around a lot.
For me, it's just trying to make my life more ‘true’. And I don't know if that's ‘true’, in an absolute sense, but just relative to me. I guess the whole Buddhist dogma is ‘how can we alleviate suffering?’ and I think, just communicating emotions is a big part of it. Recognising the emotions that come in. It's not blocking out the emotion... it's seeing the wave come in and just like observing it. Maybe you have to ride through it, maybe it washes away, but you just observe it.
What qualities do you think going to the Ponds add to your life?
It gives me a sense of peace and calmness, and it’s also great for resilience. It makes you do things you don’t necessarily want to. I think it’s good for challenging your idea of what you want at a particular time vs what is actually good for you.
When it's like dead winter in February, and it's freezing outside, you look out the window and it's just grey, drab, and cold. Then to go swim- I find it very hard to go by myself. I need a friend to go with and we both motivate each other to go. I think we're better for it. Even if it's a bit gritty and cold. There's something about that shared experience that's so nice. You know, we always get cosy and warm afterwards.
I think this is definitely a realization that I have come to, that what we may want at a particular time is not the most important or beneficial thing personally, societally or environmentally. For example, kids always want ice-creams, but you can’t give them ice creams all the time.
Do you have a favourite memory at the Ponds?
Yeah, I do, my favourite memories have always been when it’s chucking it down with rain. You have the whole Pond to yourself, it’s so peaceful and calming. I remember a few years ago, I went with my dad and we both left with a big smile on our face.